Sexy Lady Times

Dear Emily,
I am a woman in my early 20’s and I’ve never really been able to make myself orgasm. Sometimes during oral sex with a partner I’ll think I’ve had one but I’m not sure. I want to try to masturbate more but when I do it, it never feels like I’ll be even near it. How can I make it easier?

Masturbating and making yourself orgasm can be a tricky thing! I know many people with vaginas who started masturbating very young, and some who didn’t until their mid twenties. Whatever you feel comfortable with is right for you. To make it easier, try to find what turns you on. I have some friends who read erotic novels to get them in the mood, and others (a lot of others) who watch porn. If you have an issue with portrayals of women in porn, there are plenty of female owned and directed porn companies. Basically, whatever you’re into, there’s porn for that.

Get a vibrator! It doesn’t have to be an intimidating wand (although, it can be), you can get a small inexpensive vibrator that gets the job done. If you aren’t sure how to use a vibrator, try to play around with it to find what feels best for you. A good tip is to massage around your clitoris, right on your clit may feel a little too intense. Take an evening or an afternoon and just explore.

Some people with vaginas can’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation, that’s super common. If you’re not into the idea of buying a vibrator, your hands are just as great. For this, I actually recommend trying out OMGYes. The app and website specialize on helping people with vaginas find out what kind of touch they like most, and what helps them orgasm.

Take a bath, or a shower, get comfortable by yourself in your bed. Maybe drink some tea and light a couple candles; create a soothing environment. If you can, try to be alone in your house so that you’re not worried or stressed about someone barging in.

Once you find out what turns you on and makes you cum, you can then tell partners how best to help you! As always, take your time and don’t be hard on yourself if you’re not able to the first couple rounds. You’ll get there soon!

Cheering you on,
Emily

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